| i've gone back to writing here because people actually read my other blog.
fml, i want to see what i look like dead
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| why do i torture myself mentally and emotionally? i keep myself from eating because i think about her too much. my family makes me feel bad for being overweight, so i distract myself with her instead of eating. when i do feel hungry, i just take my medication and go to sleep. if i can't sleep, i just drink water. now that she knows how i feel and i know she doesn't feel the same way, it just hurts a lot. i haven't talked to her since she found out. its just something i don't want to hear about, unless she decides to give me a chance.
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| of crying before i go to bed. its really embarrassing. i don't like crying period. superman doesn't cry.
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| if someone that knows does happen to read this there's only a few of you that will actually know who and what i'm talking about. anyway a friend of mine told the girl i like how i feel about her today, at lunch. i was expecting her to tell her that much. i requested that if the subject of relationships come up there's one thing she can say "if things don't work out with the person you like, i know there's someone that will be waiting for you." but apparently since they are such good friends and she makes the puppy dog face she'll tell her anything. so the girl i like kept asking her who is who is and she broke down and told her. obviously if you know me and my story, you know what happens next...lets just say it didn't go in my favor. the whole day i've acted like it hasn't phased me, but i'm pretty sure its the medication i'm taking for depression and anxiety. in my head i'm thinking i want to cry, i want to drink and smoke, or take out my frustration on myself, but alas the medication is doing its job. i just don't know what kind of person i will become if i have to constantly stay on medication. i've noticed i act more level headed and cheerful, but i'm so not used to that, haha. oh well, my heart has gotten a little smaller today.
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| OMG...what have i become??? i'm a damn freak
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